Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
