so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
