Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
