Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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