I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
