Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
