No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
