drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
