I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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