I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
