Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
