i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
