i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
