Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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