it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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