youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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