I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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