why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
