i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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