Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
