I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
