Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize