I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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