i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
