Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
