Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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