why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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