i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
