how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
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