Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
