Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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