my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
