i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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