you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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