somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
