I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
