I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
