so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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