You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
