Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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