if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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