Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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