I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
