so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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