Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
