If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
