he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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