I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
third nipple confirmed
I FOUND THE LEGS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
