everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
