im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
