He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
