guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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