woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Who died my cat blue again?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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