I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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