i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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