I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
