I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
