Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
