I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
