Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
