That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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