I CAN MOONWALK!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
