Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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