Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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