matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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